Conservative Culture

How do you know if that special relationship will last in a marriage? Interesting question. Obvious answers might say “Commitment”, “Common Values & Goals” and other words used to describe a good relationship. But what about the casual observer? What can you tell about the marriage on the day of the wedding?

I saw a interesting article on Pajamas Media written by AdviceGoddess.com. She mentions a wedding photographer who apparently is an astute observer of human nature.

It’s her belief that, if the man is nervous and the woman is calm, the marriage is a go. If, however, the woman is nervous and the man is calm, it means some thing’s wrong. She suggests that, “because the man traditionally bears the weight in the marriage” (as breadwinner, keeping the family together, etc.), if he isn’t nervous, it means he doesn’t grasp the commitment he’s making.

Having done a number of weddings I have seen this but without really paying attention. It really falls into line with what Gary Smalley used to teach about couples: (These are with broad strokes and don’t fit everyone) Women want primarily security in a relationship; Men want primarily significance.

A woman may be nervous about details but certainly I have seen uncertainty in the eyes of brides that were entering the relationship unsure of the other’s commitment. Keeping in line with the photographers observations, the man who isn’t the bit nervous hasn’t really given much thought about the depth of the commitment he is about to make. He almost thinks of it as a trivial event (though he would never say it to the bride). It becomes an event to simply be endured through, much like the upcoming ‘marriage.’

Whether it holds up is one thing. I do know that it will be something to observe in coming weddings I participate in or casually watch.

Tags: Marriage Expansion